Now then, just a quick formality before we get started. A couple of things have changed on the blog, or rather, have been added. At the top of this page under the title "Bouling Al Owwa The World" there is a box. If you stick your e-mail address in the said box and click 'submit' you will automatically get updates from the blog via e-mail. Nice right? Also, at the bottom of the post, you'll see a few new icons. These icons allow you to share the blog directly to your Twitter and Facebook pages. In other words, it's a lot easier to share the blog with people who I can't pester on Facebook through messages and wall posts. So, if you feel the need you can forward the blog via e-mail (now that you have all signed up) and share it with your pals via social networking by just clicking the buttons at the bottom of the post. Give it a bash, hopefully it works! Formalities end.
This has got to be the best way to get around.
We're now in Laos after our couple of weeks in Northern Thailand. We ended up staying Thai side of the border for a little longer than we had planned but in fairness we were having a bloody nice time so why not? We stayed in Chiang Mai for an extra day so that we could jam in one last little adventure in the Jungle and then headed to Chaing Rai to see the White Temple (don't worry, it was actually pretty interesting). Our jungle adventure was as usual, an amazing experience. I don't think I'll ever get bored of hanging out with elephants and swimming in lagoons, but, I've already blogged about this sort of thing so I'm going to move on to Wat Rong Khun, better known as 'The White Temple'.
As per usual I could't be bothered to read the guide book to find out what it was Laura was blabbing on about while I was trying to enjoy a relaxing breakfast, but apparently we were heading out of town to see another temple. Woopdy-fucking-doo. I don't argue anymore, I just go, try not to complain too much and smile for the photos so that when I post my blogs it looks as though I was having a good time. This is what always happens, this is what I expected to happen at The White Temple. To my delight, I was wrong. The White temple is fucking cool. I'll give you a quick bit of background info; The temple was designed by Mr. Chalermchai Kositpipa (A fiver says you didn't read his name right first time) who is apparently a well known artist in Thailand. Again, Laura's forte not mine. He wanted to design and build a more modern temple that would stand out from the monotonous sea of other temples all over Asia. I have to give a guy credit where credit is due, I think he pulled it off. Construction started in 1997 and is due to finish in 2070. That's pretty annoying, chances are I won't be around to see the finished product, and if I am, I'm likely to be wearing adult nappies and feeling up the nurse as she spoons me medication. I won't be giving a fuck about temples in Thailand.
Not your ordinary Temple.
Anyway, the part that is finished is beautiful, weird, modern and through my eyes, has more to do with popular culture than religion. A regular Buddhist temple is covered in images of Buddha, has dragons and shit all over the walls and makes me feel slightly unwelcome. So what is it that makes The White Temple different? Well, how about a sculpture of the alien from predator climbing out of the ground right outside? How about a painting of Neo from the matrix chilling out with the blue lads from Avatar and Darth Vader (amongst others) that covers one entire wall of the inside of the temple? How about a pit of doom which includes over 500 hands reaching up from hell? How about a no smoking sign with hands that hold cigarettes? How about traffic cones designed to look like skulls? You get the point, it's more a large scale work of art than a temple. We spent a good few hours looking for all of the quirky little bits that made us laugh and I genuinely had a good time. Mr Kositpipa, I take my imaginary hat off to you, you created an interesting temple. Well done lad. All of that said, I can't help but feel sorry for the monks who have to pray under the watchful eyes of The Sith Lord. I wonder if it will work?
Laura laughing at my "make the water hot' trick.
After our stay in Chiang Rai we headed over the border to Laos. To our surprise it was an easy enough process. We just jumped in a boat with our belongings, crossed the river and boom, we were in Laos. I felt just like a Refugee en route for England, the only difference being that there was a small formal checking process where we were required to provide a passport and buy a visa. Other than that though, I'm sure it's the same. Any who, all was well until we got stuck in the shitty little border town of Huay Xai. What a place. It has a population of 3 cockroaches, 4 dogs, 2 cats and one guest house owner who looked as though she was well passed her sell by date. It was our own fault for not checking the bus times but it was just one of those things. After spending a boring night and day in Huay Xai, we decided we'd book ourselves onto the VIP bus to Luang Prabang so that we might get a little bit of well deserved luxury. It was a 14 hour journey so why not? Let me explain to you what a VIP bus in Laos is. No, let me first tell you how it was explained to me by the sales person. It has air-con, fully reclining seats with extra leg room, an entertainment system for playing music and DVD's and is quieter than public buses so provides a better sleeping environment. Brilliant, sign me up for that. Now let me tell you what we actually got. No air-con. Windows that wouldn't open because the sliding mechanism had rusted shut. A seat that was constantly in recline because the leaver was broken but that vaulted me forward every time the driver used his brakes. Shitty local music being blared into my ear from the speaker that was an inch away from my head, until 4am. A woman who decided that blearing music wasn't enough fun at 2am and so decided to sing along to the tunes WITH A FUCKING MICROPHONE for a further 2 hours. However, extra leg room was provided for the passenger behind Laura as the back of Laura's seat fell apart freeing up an extra inch or so. So there you go, thats what you get on a VIP bus in Laos.
Full of enthusiasm as we set off for the caves.
Luckily the city of Luang Prabang has so far been a bit of a treat. We've spent the most of our time here eating and relaxing except for a little cycling excursion to a cave today. It all went pretty well apart from the cave bit. After enjoying the White Temple so much I decided that I'd have a little glance in the guide book to see if there was anything I fancied doing. I read about a cool sounding cave that was only a few kilometers out of town. Nice one, we'll have a nice relaxing ride, explore the caves and get back in time to chill out and have a couple of beers. Proudly, I explained my master plan to Laura who was frankly too amazed that I was actually making an effort to care about what we were doing or check my plans. So off we went, on our bikes, with the map. We ended up cycling for about 3 hours (on a trip that should have been nearer 45 minutes) but I put this down to part of the adventure. You know, getting lost in paradise and all that. The mid morning heat got a little overwhelming for Laura so she decided she would sit in a cafe and eat ice cream while I cycled away to find the cave. Fair enough. I cycled for a few kilometers further and still couldn't find any sign of the caves or any locals who knew what I was on about. I decided to go back to meet Laura so that we could re-asses the situation and maybe jump in a taxi instead. When I got back she smugly asked me if I had found it. When I told her I hadn't she smiled to herself and sipped on her coke. Annoyed, I asked her what was so funny. Just for the record, Laura loves it when I'm wrong, it makes her day. She patronizingly got out the book and asked me to read the section on the caves again. I did. Still nothing. Knowing that I would never figure out what had gone on she decided to let me in on the'joke'. Apparently I'd read about the caves in an entirely unrelated section of the book and they weren't actually anywhere near the city we were in. For fuck sake. The one time I try to organise something and be a little proactive it all goes tits up. We never made it to the caves but I reckon that even now as Laura lies blissfully reading somewhere that her smug smile will be wrapped around her face so if nothing else, I made her day.
They say that you should never go on holiday to the same place twice. They say that it will never be as good or that you will be disappointed. I think for the most part that I believe both of those statements. That said, coming back to Thailand has always been something I've wanted to do and I think now, five years later, I've probably changed enough to make it interesting and exciting again. For me, this was the place that started it all off, it's the reason I'm on this trip and writing this blog and it's the reason for all of the trip's in between. I realized first time round that the world has plenty to offer, different cultures to learn about, foods to eat, people to meet and that I can experience things that I didn't even know existed during my days of study and work. Ever since then I've done my best to indulge myself in as much of the world as I can. For me though, coming back to a country is a first. I've been aware from far too young an age that life's clock is always ticking and that your batteries could run out at any given moment with or without warning. So why waste time seeing and doing things that you have already seen and done?! Well, firstly, I had the time of my life here first time around and secondly, I have a better half who has a lust and fascination for seeing and learning everything about everywhere too. So why not, Thailand has been good to me before and I'm sure it will be this time.
When we touched down in Bangkok I had an instant urge of excitement. Firstly because the plane hadn't crashed like I was certain it would and secondly because we were about to start another chapter of our adventure. It's crazy to think that we've been away almost four months and that each time we land in a different country it feels like the first day of our travels every time. After freshening up we headed straight down to Khao San Road, the first port of call for any traveler in Thailand. Khao San Road is street filled with bars, restaurants, clubs, shops, massage parlours and hostels. It's also full of dick heads. Thailand is a notorious party scene and unfortunately attracts some of the people who would usually be in Biggie on a Saturday night but have popped over here to pay for sex with underage girls and start fights. You know the type, one hand filled with pills and the other occupied with some tarts clunge on the dance floor. It also seems to be a great place for toff's to blow their daddy's allowance on cheap booze. Have I gone through the toff thing yet? They're one rank below hippies. Their idea of a cultured experience is to walk past a beggar on the street and take a photo with them because it's not something you see in Chelsea. Chundering Everywar anyone? Anyway, as we were walking down Khao San Road I could feel the hairs on my neck standing up as floods of memories came back to me. Nothing to enlightening, just little bits and bobs. I realized that I was going to have to fight the urge to share all of these memories with Laura for fear of boring her and taking away from the experiences we were set to have. Ooooh, thats where I got drunk, that's where I lost my wallet, that's where I ate some noodles. That shit will get pretty boring pretty quickly and I don't want this part of the trip to be a competition between this time and the last.
We go to great lengths to get out of the heat.
The heat here has really affected us. It's 40 during the day and about 35 at night. You'll all be pleased to know that we have both been shitting our pants and chucking up our dinner on a regular basis, just like the good old days. Hopefully we will acclimatize soon and will be able to get back to a reasonable pace instead of planning our days around proximity to the nearest long drop. So far it's been slow, an average day at this point works like this;
Wake up
Shit
Get dressed
Argue about who is going to use the toilet
Shit
Eat breakfast
Shit
Possibly see a sight (providing its air conditioned and has toilet facilities)
Throw up
Eat dinner
Shit
Have a massage
Shit / throw up
Go to bed
Not exactly the plan we had in mind but we have to work with what we've got. I'll be sure to keep you up to date on who shits the bed first. Statistically Laura is favorite at 3:1.
Transport in Asia is getting weirder and weirder.
Other than shitting and racing our bodies to see if we can get more water in than sweat coming out (which so far we have not managed) it's been a total holiday here. We've both noticed how nice the Thai people are but in truth we're having a little bit of difficulty letting our guards down and trusting the locals. A few days ago when we were walking around aimlessly trying to find a bus station I popped into a cafe and asked lady sitting with some friends if she could point us in the right direction. She tried her best but couldn't find the English words to get her point across. Maybe it would have helped if we had had a little slip with a Thai translation on it so she could have smiled and pointed straight ahead.....Maybe not. It was no problem to us though, it was nice to have her try. As we were walking away she came running over and told us to wait, her husband was going to give us a lift. Now, in India this would have sent alarm bells ringing. It would mean either we were going to be murdered, raped, beaten up, robbed or at the very least, Laura would have to show a bit of nip before the doors would be unlocked. No way. I'm not getting into a car with a random guy in a country I know next to nothing about. I'm not letting some perv look at my baby girls nips. We'd be better off walking. But this helpful lady seemed to have a genuine smile and appeared as though she genuinely wanted to help so we took a gamble and jumped in the car. Our driver couldn't speak any English and we have no Thai so it was a little awkward just sitting there for the twenty minutes it took but low and behold we turned a corner and there was the bus station. He drove us in, stopped to ask some locals which bus we needed to get on and pretty much drove us to the bus doors. Now the awkward moment. Was I going to have to pay him? How much? Was Laura going to have to show nip? Nope. He give us a big smile and a lengthy handshake before motioning for us to get on the bus. What a hero! A genuine couple of people who just wanted to help for the sake of being nice. Being nice for being nice sake has been a pretty rare thing so far during our trip. So, with this in mind, I guess we can let our guards down and start to trust the local people. Watch this space for forthcoming stories of us getting scammed.
Now, something else that we've noticed is the classic "old fella with pretty young Thai girl" scenario. It's a weird one but in truth I understand the concept. Old lonely fellas can come over here to be kept company by young women with the likelihood of getting a happy ending. The girls get paid, the fella gets laid and everyone goes home a little better off. At least that's the situation on the surface. Although I can see the attraction to the idea of a sort of minimal effort for maximum pay off situation, it still strikes me as odd when I see it happening. And it's not only old fellas either. We've seen young good looking guys (hello sailor) at it too which has to make you wonder. They could just go on a night out and pull. I think for many of these guys the attraction is that they pay for the service and it's easier than summoning the courage to chat up a girl. Either way, I don't agree with it and it makes me sick to see these old fellas walking around hand in hand with naive (or are they?) girls. What must these poor girls be thinking? I bet they can make a vodka and coke last for hours knowing that when it's finished they're going back to the hotel to suck a wrinkly.....you know. As with most things I see and disagree with I have to understand that I can't impose my western ideals or change the world. It's also ignorant of me to assume that a) the guys are perverted, lonely and sad and b) that the working girls hate their job. I just call it as I see it and what I see ain't pretty.
The Death Railway over the River Kwai.
Now, it's not all been pants shitting and prostitutes. Since landing we've visited some amazing places as we've traveled through the North of Thailand. We've been to Bangkok, Kanchanaburi, Ayutthaya and Chiang Mai, all of which have been, as per usual, amazing. However, of all the ancient ruins, temples, waterfalls and idyllic scenery the best thing I have seen so far is an all out dancing, hoola-hoop spinning, sit down cross legged harmonica playing elephant. Yeah, read that sentence again to make sure you take it all in and take time to create a vivid image in your mind of what that actually must have looked like. If you can't I have a video of said elephant. These Thai folk sure can train their pets and whether you agree with it or not, you can't take anything away from the spectacle of such a performance.
Anyway, moving away from dancing elephants the next few weeks will see us travel further North into Laos and then through to Vietnam. Hopefully the pace will pick up again and we will be busy experiencing all that South East Asia has to offer. I'll be keeping my eye out for the most weird and wonderful things so that I can share them with you.
Lessons learned this week;
I have no idea whether I should be using 'Learned' or 'Learnt' for the above phrase.
If an elephant has more skills than you, you need to make more of your free time.
Thai people might just be honest.
It's possible to find a room in Chiang Mai that has a hot shower, TV and swimming pool and only costs five quid a night.
And we're back. Hello again. If you're reading and you're still interested, thanks. I know it's been a while but freedom of speech is not something the Chinese handle well. Anyway, for those of you who are used to the drivel that I spew on here, expect more of the same. I feel as though this is a bit of a special edition of the blog, kind of a "China Special" if you will. It's going to be a little longer than usual so put the kettle on and grab a packet of hob nobs.
Although the pic doesn't do it justice, that is the Himalayas.
Lets start at the start. The flight(s) from Kathmandu to Beijing. What a fucking nightmare.....obviously. If I ever have the misfortune of bumping into the fella from STA who booked our flights I'll be sure to give him a polite shake. Who the hell books a flight from Kathmandu to Beijing via Delhi, Colombo and Bangkok? 24 hours it took. A direct flight takes around 4 hours. It was a bad start. And as if I'm not scared of flying enough, the pilot of our first flight out of Kathmandu decided it was cool to fly through a storm that rattled the plane like I don't know what. I was one bump away from tears and had to ring the sweat out of my t-shirt when we finally popped out of the clouds. Nevertheless, 200 vallium pills and one bag of Laura's vomit later we touched down in Beijing.
Beijing was a pleasant change to what had became the norm in India and Nepal. The streets were cleanish, the temperature was cooler and it had a more cosmopolitan feel. We just slipped right into it without anyone noticing or caring. We were no longer celebrities that turned heads and were stopped in the streets for photographs, we were just a couple of idiots who were wearing hippie clothes in one of the most stylish cities in the world. The people here have lots of style, intelligence and something that lacked in India, common sense. They aren't idiots, they're slightly regimented, follow the rules and...oh yeah, have rules. It was a bit of a surprise that less people in China spoke English than in India given that they are more educated, but, when you have 1.2 billion other people to converse with in your own language I guess there isn't much need to learn a second. So the language barrier made it a little difficult to get around , you can't just stop someone in the street to ask where the subway station is or which BBQ dog restaurant (more on that later) is the best. Luckily we had some very helpful hostel staff who would write out the Chinese on a little slip of paper for what ever we wanted so we were always armed with a wad of Chinese writing to help us out. However, I have some suspicions about what was going on with these little slips of paper. Other than the fact that by presenting one to a local you are essentially handing over a declaration that you are an idiot and a sitting duck for scammers and pick pockets, I think the hostel staff might of been having a little laugh at our expense. One afternoon we were looking for a famous roast duck restaurant, one that is famous throughout China and everybody knows about. We had our slip with the Chinese writing on it and were showing it to Chinese people walking past when we knew we were roughly in the right area. Each one seemed to beam a smile and point straight forward. We'd follow in the direction of their finger and ask someone else. They would smile and point straight forward. We'd follow in the direction of their finger. Repeat. After a while it appeared that each person we approached would smile, and point in the direction that they were walking even though each person we asked was walking in different directions. After 40 minutes of this we gave up. I can't be sure, but I have a feeling that the literal translation of our little Chinese picture was "Smile, and point in the direction you are walking". Sneaky little fuckers.
The area of Beijing that we stayed in was a buzzing little epicenter of performing arts, boutiques and hipsters. It was easy to waste time watching it all and seeing what crazy ideas people had come up with to make money. Now, Beijing is notorious (as is most of Asia) for selling countfit goods. Snide T-shirts, shoes, jeans, DVD's, the works. One guy on our street had really taken snide goods to a new level though. He was sat in the street with a book full of autographs. Rooney was in there, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson and even Arnie. Well done I thought, this is a comprehensive collection of autographs, you must have had a lot of fun meeting all of these famous people. However, he was not there to show off his collection. He was there to provide tourists with snide autographs. He could make perfect copies of every autograph in his book. It was fucking bizarre. Snide T-shirts, OK. Snide DVD, fine. But why would you want a fake autograph? Surely the idea of getting an autograph is to show that you met one of your heroes. Why would you want to lie about that? Furthermore, how the hell do you explain having newly acquired Michael Jackson's autograph on your holiday in China?! He's been dead a while and it was pretty big news. You'd have to make up a bullshit story that actually he isn't dead but that he's hanging out with Bubbles and Chairman Mao in some hidden corner of the Forbidden City. It's not going to work. Still, there were enough people stupid enough to line this guy's pockets so fair play to him.
There is more to Beijing than just snidey gear though. There are a lot of amazing sights to see and a few not so good. I know long descriptions of tourist attractions doesn't really make for the most exciting reading but a couple are worth a quick shout. On our first day we visited the Forbidden City which is billed in the Lonely Planet as a "must see" attraction. All good except there is nothing to see. Some big red walls, a few red buildings and a whole bunch of Chinese tourists with huge cameras taking shite photos as usual. I thought there wouldn't be any Chinese tourists there, I thought they were all at the Taj Mahal. I was wrong. The Forbidden City should come with a warning to those with epilepsy as the flashing of cameras never let up for one second from the moment we entered. It was like a friggin disco. Being all worldly wise and what not we opted for the audio guide tour so that we could learn what the Forbidden City was all about. In India this proved a fantastic way to get a little information about what we were looking at. No joy here though. The guides used GPS so that you didn't have to faff about with pressing buttons, they would just start talking when you were near a point of interest. Unfortunately they had the accuracy of a darts player with Parkinsons. The guide would be blabbing on about the Temple of Spirits and I'd be stood next to the bogs. Rubbish. We left after about 45 minutes disheartened and bored. To be quite honest if you've seen the archway at China Town in the Toon, I wouldn't bother with the Forbidden City, they've done a pretty good job there.
Luckily the next day we had arranged to head to the Great Wall of China. We weren't holding out for anything too spectacular given our thoughts on one of China's other "must see" attractions. However, the Great Wall was a different story altogether. It's one of the most amazing thing's I have ever seen. We traveled to a more remote section of the wall to ensure that our view wasn't interrupted by KFC and McDonalds and it was worth it. I didn't learn much about it but purely as a visual spectacle it ticks all the boxes with a big chunky marker pen. If you only visit one place in China before the reaper comes a'nockin, make sure its the Great Wall.
Like all of China, Beijing provides some pretty odd culinary treats. In fact, it provides an overwhelming array of weird foods. I try my best to get involved and eat what the locals eat rather than the touristic dishes that hostels and hotels provide and I rarely decline to try anything but China made that very difficult. Some of the more popular eats included boiled or fried scorpion, silk worms and centipedes, sheep dick and balls, lizzard on a stick and sheep intestine soup. You know that when sheep bollocks are the safest option on the menu things aren't going your way. That said, I managed to get a sheep bollock kebab down (which were oddly served in threes) and a fried scorpion.
Yep. Big old scorpions.
But where was the chowmein? Where was the sweet and sour pork? Nowhere to be seen. Here, eat a cow brain. In truth it's unfair to pretend that the food in China wasn't amazing once you get into it, but they do have a lot of weird looking things that I had to stay away from. To learn a little more about the food culture we decided to enroll on a Chinese cooking course which included a trip to the local market to buy the ingredients for the dishes we were making. The cooking course was as you might expect but the market was a little weird. The first area we visited within the market was the seafood (food being the very broadest term for some of the stuff) section. There were buckets and tanks filled with all sorts of creatures that looked as though the had had better days. Chinese lobster, eels, frogs and turtles all pilled into tiny spaces with barley enough room to breathe. They're all kept alive for freshness which is agreeable in terms of hygiene but I couldn't help feeling sorry for the turtles being picked up and inspected like something off the shelf in Asda. One lady who had finished chucking them around finally picked one and lobed it into her shopping bag. IT WAS STILL ALIVE. It's not a
The first time Laura has been in the kitchen
in over two years.
fucking orange, don't treat it like one. In a way it was interesting to see, and it's not up to me to go ranting my western ideals to locals who frankly couldn't give a shit what I think. After the "seafood" section we moved on to vegetables. Yawn. Show me more weird stuff. I decided to wonder about on my own to see what I could find while the rest of the group discussed lettuce. The meat section. Now, like the seafood section all of the meat was very fresh, AKA alive. We all know what a battery chicken is, they were everywhere and it didn't really shock me. Chickens are pretty much bread to be made into delicious roast dinners. The rabbits however did make me shudder. At first I didn't really know what I was looking at, it looked like a big cage full of fluff. It was only when I saw the red eyes popping out that I realised what they were. I know we eat rabbit but I'm pretty sure they aren't big white fluffy things comparable to Thumper from Bambi. There were other animals in the same state; geese, ducks and a few other things that I didn't recognize. For me though, none of these things were the worst part of the meat section. There was one other butcher in the furthest corner that I stumbled upon by chance. The cat and dog butcher. No shit. I had heard that they eat dogs (although I'd never come across it) and cats was news to me. It was grim. At the very moment I stopped outside there was a cat being skinned. Across the shop were cages stuffed full of both cats and dogs. It really got me. Dogs have the ability to show emotion in their eyes, you know what I mean, if a dog lets one go in the living room you can see the guilt in its face.
Gayest dog ever.
These dogs has the saddest eyes, they knew what was coming. The sooner the better I thought. I wasn't standing there with a bag of popcorn watching the entire show unfold mind, after about three seconds I was aggressively told to "Fuck off" by the butcher. The best use of English by a local I had come across too. I had to wonder why he was so tetchy about me being there. Either he was sick of tourists gawping at the way he makes his living or he didn't want me to see what was going on. Either way, I was ready to move along. I find it very strange that the Chinese love to dress up their pet dogs in dungarees and shoes and carry them around because they are to precious to walk but will happily serve dog hot pot for dinner. A funny way of life to me.
Available for Olympic opening ceremonies.
I'm not scared to admit that I'm done with temples. I've ranted about it before. That's why I wasn't arsed about going to The Temple of Heaven when Laura suggested we should go. The temple sits in massive grounds which serves as one of Beijing's biggest parks. It's not your average park either. It's full of old timers dancing, singing, playing in the jungle gym and playing with toys. It's amazing. Group dancing is a pretty common thing to see in China, everywhere you go you see groups of old folks dancing around ghetto blasters like brothers from the hood (and the 80's) but anyone who is anyone was dancing in the Temple of Heaven Park. The en mass dancing wasn't the main attraction though. Another common activity for old timers is to play around in adult style jungle gyms. They look just the same as kids play areas but no kids go there. They're too busy studying and learning to play piano. I bouled over to one of the pull up type contraptions like the big dawg thinking I could show a few old men how it was done. I casually jumped up and blasted out a few pull ups without breaking a sweat or gasping for air (some details may have been altered to help the flow of the story). When I was finished and awaiting the deafening sound of applause from the onlookers I could hear only laughing and what I believe was mockery. One fella even pointed to his biceps and made a sad face at me. Cheeky bastard. Needless to say I had nothing to offer. These guys were strong, like ex Olympic champs or some shit. One of them could even do this........
What. A. Lad.
After Beijing we headed to Shanghai, from where there is not one single thing of interest to report. Feel free to enjoy this photo of The Bund though.
Xi'an is home to the Terracotta Warriors which was the main reason for our visit. They're a real treat. As a spectacle they don't really offer too much, it's the story that interested me. In 1974 a farmer was digging a well and came across some ruins that turned out to be what are now known as the Terracotta Warriors. Life sized clay models of soldiers. Since then, over 2000 warriors have been discovered in the area all with different weapons, clothing and faces (which is weird because all Chinese people look the same so surely one face would have been enough) as well as the Tomb of Emperor Qin Shi Hung. In total, an area of 56 square kilometers is to be carefully excavated as surveys of the ground suggest that the warriors are buried all around the tomb. In a nut shell this Qin Shi Hung fella was so scared of the afterlife that he spent years and years having thousands of clay warriors created and positioned around his tomb. What a pussy. What happened to the farmer I here you ask. Surely he is loaded given that he discovered one of the largest archaeological finds in recent history? Nope. The Chinese government took his farm off him and gave him nothing for it other than a seven day a week job signing autographs in the gift shop. I could of got a snide one from that fella in Beijing if I'd known.
Enjoying the view in Xi'an after a lengthy climb.
After Xi'an we took a 28 hour train ride to Yangshuo, one of the most beautiful places I've seen. It's a cross between the "Lost" island and Pandora from Avatar. I didn't come across any weird blue people or black smoke there, the scenery is just similar. Let me tell you something; A 28 our non stop train in China is not much fun. We couldn't afford a posh ticket so we were in with the riff raff. Men spitting and throwing food waste on the floor, women snoring (one whilst awake) constantly and the smell of instant noodles filled the air for the entire journey. I felt more jet lagged from this journey than I did going from Nepal to Beijing. But, it was either this or getting in touch with the agent at STA to sort out our journey and I didn't fancy going from Xi'an to Yangshuo via Sydney. We spent a very relaxed four nights in Yangshuo getting involved with cycling, caving, mud baths, hot springs and a little more than the usual amount of drinking. Don't mention that I was beer pong champion (for three games). Unfortunately time started to catch up with us during our stay so we had to move on to Hong Kong.
Hong Kong Harbor.
Due to our flight schedule we only managed a few days in Hong Kong. On one hand that is no where near enough time to explore but on the other it is more than enough. It all depends on how rich you are. If you like shopping for designer clothes, eating in Michelin star restaurants and paying more than seven quid for a pint of Carlsberg it's ideal. If your daily budget is the equivalent of the tube fair from your hotel to the nearest tourist attraction then i'm afraid you're out of luck. As were we. Hong Kong is all about money. Yuppies from every corner of the world gather there in their poorly fitting suits and standard issue toff hair cuts to talk about how much money they have made over champagne. It's nice to be part of it for a couple of days but that was enough for me. It's similar to Dubai only dirtier and with a lot more going on but just as in Dubai, life revolves around the dollar bill.
Our accommodation in Hong Kong was something to behold. For anyone who has been to Hong Kong on a budget I'll bet you stayed here too. Chungkong Mansions. What a shit hole. It's a sixteen story monstrosity that is the stomping ground for the most dodgy people in Hong Kong and possibly the world. Indians and Africans line the corridors and ground floors selling sex, drugs, porn mags and anything that a shifty fellow might want. Every floor is filled with nasty hostels that over charge for their nasty rooms. The building reminds me of something from the classic 90's Stallone movie "Judge Dread". In case you haven't seen it, it's not a good thing. My advice would be to never go there, save up some dosh and stay somewhere nice where you aren't scared that your girlfriend is going to be kidnapped and pimped out.
So, that's about it for China. At least that is some of the more interesting stuff anyway. All in all we had a fantastic time during our few short weeks. We visited some mind blowing sights, met amazing people, tried food that I never knew was edible and learned that we will have to go back if we really want to understand the place. Three weeks in tourist hot spots made for a top notch holiday but I'm certain that we didn't get under the skin of China to discover what it's all about. You'd need months to manage that. So, as we tick off our list of places visited, our list of places to visit grows even longer. We had better start planning another trip if we're ever going to get round it all.
Lessons learned in China;
It's acceptable to walk around Beijing with a T-shirt that says "I love BJ". We all do, but wearing a t-shirt stating it is a bit much. Have some dignity.
Chinese pay more for chicken cartilage than they do for breast.
Bartering in China is harder than anywhere else in the world. How can I argue with a women that refers to me as handsome and a strong man? Answer, I can't. Fleeced.
Scorpion is delicious.
Dogs can't walk in shoes. Never put your dog in shoes.
Just because the Lonely Planet says so doesn't mean it is so.
Old people in China are fitter and have more fun than young people. It's a suitable retirement option.
Finally, to answer a certain question from a certain mother: Yes, Ethiopian Airlines do provide an in flight meal.
Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BAT CAVE!
Well. It feels like a while since I last posted but it's been none stop action since we landed in Nepal. Now that I have a bit of down time I figured I should let you in on what's happened over the last 10 days or so. I don't want to bore you with drab stories of cultural experiences, I know you're all eagerly awaiting bowel updates but some of the things we have done here need a little mention at least. So, mountain biking, bat caves, mountain top sun rise, elephant trek, elephant bath, canyoning, white water rafting. I think that about sums it up. Now that that's all out of the way we can get on with the usual stuff.
We arrived in Nepal on the 23rd of March, being UK citizens we were able to obtain our visas on the door which was handy. Easy enough you might think but I'm over thinking that things might be straight forward now. We filled in the appropriate visa documentation, got out enough cash from the ATM in the airport (Nepalese currency is the best monopoly money so far) and joined the winding and slow moving queue to have our visas processed. After waiting in the queue for an hour we reached the processing desk and were sternly informed that we could not pay for our visas with Nepalese Rupees. What? Where are we? Did we not just land in Nepal? Are we not applying for a Nepalese Visa?! Why were we not informed at the other end of the queue?!? WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY ALREADY LIMITED TIME IN YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY?!? And breathe.....Without causing too much of a scene we left the queue and headed for the currency exchange desk where we paid an over the odds commission on a terrible exchange rate to get American Dollars. Ohhhh, that's why we can't pay using Nepalese Rupees. Fleeced. Good start.
After the initial visa annoyance things ran pretty smoothly during our time here. The biggest problem that we've faced is knowing that there is so much to do and that neither our timescale or budget would allow us to do it. There are 14 day rafting expeditions, paragliding flights around the peaks of the Himalayas, 40 day treks, bunji jumps and all other manner of exciting and challenging activities. Our visit to Nepal has only shown us that we need to come back with more time and more money. I've felt like a horse with a carrot dangling in front of me on a piece of string. It's just been one big tease. That said, we have made the most of our time here. We have challenged ourselves and its been amazing.
I know right, look at the view..............
I never thought I'd manage a 53K mountain bike trail to the top of a mountain where we had to gain 860m during one day. I never thought I'd have the balls to suspend myself at the top of a 45m waterfall and abseil down it. I never thought I'd have a bath with an elephant and I never thought I'd struggle to shimmy through the roof of a cave filled with bats. It's good to challenge yourself every now and then though, the things that scare you the most are the things that you get the most enjoyment from when you conquer them....or something. Philosophy anyone?
This was more tiring than the cycling.
After the first day of our bike ride we stayed in a guest house at the top of a mountain in Sarangkot. I'm told that the views from here are amazing but naturally a haze had descended on the whole area making it impossible to see anything. We had hoped that it might be clearer in the morning for sunrise (I might as well tell you now that it was no clearer, don't hold out for an explanation of the view or a photo, you'll be better off searching Sarangkot in Google images, that's what I had to do). Our time at the top of the mountain was incredible all the same. We spent the evening hanging out with the local kids playing football, cards and teaching them how to ride bikes. It was a really touching experience (yeah, uber traveler chat again, sorry). We stayed in a really cool guesthouse which cost about a quid and even came with a toilet attendant. Not the kind that asked for money for turning on the tap for you either. It was a pretty effective toilet attendant given that it had eight legs and more eyes than I could count, good for multi-tasking. It was the right colour too (too far?). In case you haven't figured out what I'm trying to say, here is a photo of said toilet attendant.
Our friendly toilet attendant.
It's a predicament to be scared shitless and to scared to shit. I might of tried to kill it but I'm sure if I stood on it it would have carried me away to its nest.
The hostel stated that the shower was located outside.
Although spiders are a bit too much for us, we do like being close to nature so we headed to Chitwan National park for a few days to go on an elephant trek. I'm sure that you can imagine going through the jungle on the back of an elephant is a pretty amazing experience, and it was. We were even lucky enough to encounter a wild rhino (I've thought of having another playful jab at Laura with some kind of "Laura is a rhino" style joke but the Cracken thing from my last post didn't go down too well, so I'll lay off). After the trek we took a stroll down to the river where the elephants go to bathe. For a small fee the elephant trainers would let you jump in and have a bit of a wrestle and a wash. I was surprised how gentle and responsive they are given the size of them. It was a lot more fun than the typical "bucket shower" that we're now used to.
The past few days have been a little more adrenaline fulled. Canyoning and white water rafting made for tiring and challenging changes to our pretty comfortable routine. I felt like a total action hero during both days even though I was a) shatting myself and b) rubbish at both activities. Nonetheless I done my best and managed to survive.
I'm not sure if you can tell, but that is the expression of fear.
So, we have successfully managed to obtain our visas for China and are due to fly out tomorrow. Hopefully we are about to start another exciting period but China has a lot to live up to if it wants to be as much fun as Nepal. As I said last time I'm not sure what the crack is with internet usage over there so you might have to wait a while for the next post. I'll make sure I keep notes so that I don't miss anything out.
Lessons learned this week:
There isn't much you can't do if you really put your mind to it.
Conquering a fear is the biggest adrenaline rush you can get, so get on with it.
If I have to have the standard traveler conversation (Where are you from? Where have you been? Where did you like? Where are you going next? etc.) my head will literally burst.
I'm more scared of spiders than I thought.
Apologies if this post looks a little higledy-pigledy. The computer I'm on isn't the easiest to work with.
Very little has happened since my last post over a week ago. The pace has been slow as we've spent the last nine or so days chilling out on the beach. It's been ideal, just what we needed to end our trip in India. Before we got to the beach we spent a few days in Fort Kochi which was amazing, for the most part. It's a really scenic little place brimming with cool restaurants, cafe's and one bar. The main tourist attraction here is the Kathakali dancing. I wasn't really sure what it was and wasn't really fussed but Laura was keen so I went along. After a quick explanation of what to expect I decided I wasn't interested, sulked a little and acted like a restless child in the back seat of a car on a long journey. Obviously we had to go 2 hours early so that we could watch the performers putting on their make-up. Why? I get bored watching Laura put on her make up. I'd rather see the finished product so that I can fool myself into thinking that she doesn't actually look like the Cracken from "Clash of the Titans". So, after watching paint dry (pretty much literally) the show started. Thank god. I perked up a little, stopped kicking the chair in front of me and decided to be attentive. The chap on stage explained that these dancers / actors had to study the art of Kathakali theatre for nine years to get to this level. Nine years, they must be good. Wrong. The premise is simple, each word within the language is linked with a movement of the body and face. It's like a more elaborate and slower version of sign language. Luckily we were given a script so that when the show started we could follow what was happening. I thought it was going to be short because the script was only one page of A4. Wrong again. Each word took about two minutes to "communicate". In the three days that it took to get to the end of the show I wondered who they were actually performing for. No one in the audience had a clue what was going on. Remember, you have to study for nine years to understand it. Essentially, it was just a group of men in make-up and dresses performing interpretive dance for each other. Sounds like the party scene in Brighton. Anyway, I had fulfilled my duty as a boyfriend and had a reasonably good time but I think Laura wished she'd gone on her own so she could have relaxed and enjoyed the show.
Putting some graft in to catch lunch.
We're now into our final day in India and I can proudly say that we survived. It's pretty hard to believe that we fell in love with a country that is such a fucking pain in the arse. I don't think I'll ever visit another country that will have the same effect on me. It's a paradox. India is beautiful and disgusting, enlightening and infuriating, difficult and simple, dirty and.....no just dirty. The people here have some of the biggest smiles and the most piercing frowns. They are the most kind, helpful and pleasant people but have the tendency to be the most annoying, lying, lazy little fuckers I have ever come across. The same man who elbows you in the fight for a seat on the bus will send an apologetic head waggle for accidently standing on your toes once the dust has settled. Although I've been trying for weeks to give insights into how India works and what it's like to be here, I still don't understand it myself. We've had two months to travel, learn and soak it up and we've barely scratched the surface of this deep and interesting land.
Since arriving we've visited over seven states, 19 cities and towns, travelled over 9000km using buses, trains, auto-rickshaws, pedal rickshaws, camels, bicycles, jeeps, planes and bamboo rafts. We've learned to cook, practice yoga, surf (kind of), speak a little Hindi, barter like professionals, humour stupid fucking hippies who want to talk about the path to enlightenment without showing a trace of anger, and, most importantly, we've learned that you have to give in to India because if you try to fight it, it will destroy you.
Laura ready to leave the beach. I had
her other 14 bags.
God only know's how many temples we've visited, how much curry we have consumed, how much excrement in litres that Laura has passed and how much money we have lost due to being fleeced on a daily basis. One thing is for sure though. For all it's annoyances, backward ways and difficulties, India is a fascinating place. If you had asked me a month ago whether I'd visit India again I'd of told you that I'd rather learn the art of Kathakali theatre. Now though, I'm already thinking about what we should do when we return. It's quite a turn around.
With all of that said, I hereby officially end the first chapter of both our journey and this blog. India.....Done. Providing we can obtain our visa's for the communist nation that is China, I will have lots more to share with you over the coming weeks. No scrap that, it seems as though Blogger may be banned in China. No joke. I won't know until I get there, but if you don't hear from me for a while it's because my right to freedom of speech has been taken away.
Lessons learned this week:
Indian Airplanes are like buses. They seem to stop in every town to let people on and off.
Don't mess with the sea. The sea will always win.
It's easy to lose a week of your life vegetating on a beach.
It's easy to learn nothing whilst vegetating on a beach.
After last weeks slightly melancholy look at how I've become a miserable old man, this week has been just what I needed to pull myself together. It's been a busy few days. We left Hampi, headed for Munnar where some of Southern India's biggest tea plantations are found, spent a couple of days in a nature reserve and we're now in Fort Cochi. Oh, and I turned 24.
Not happy with the money situation.
Let me start with the first little annoyance of the week. In Munnar we went to the ATM to get out another wad of monopoly money but this time instead of getting a bunch of 100 or 500 rupee notes, we were presented with eight 1000 rupee notes. This was a major inconvenience. Let me try to put it into perspective. Breakfast at a food stall will cost 10 rupees. A rickshaw might be 50. Dinner in a cafe is maybe 200. If you present a chai walla who wants 10 rupees with a 1000 note he will look at you like you've just pissed on his kids and set fire to his house. They are impossible to spend. The ATM may as well of given us soiled toilet paper. It's more difficult to spend a 1000 rupee note in India then it is to spend a Scottish 5 pound note in England. Luckily we managed to pay for one of our hotel rooms with one of the notes but it wasn't easy. You know in England when someone at the bar hands over a 50 quid note and there are a multitude of scientific checks that have to be carried out to confirm the authenticity of the note because only drug dealers and bank robbers have them? It was like that.
Laura enjoying the chicken bus.
This last week we've moved away from private air conditioned buses and tried our luck on the chicken buses with the locals. I used to think getting down the West Road on the X82 was a nightmare, it isn't. Although there are more Indians on that bus. These buses are a little uncomfortable and getting on is an experience in itself. You have to push, pull, elbow and pretty much fight your way on. Not easy to do with a rucksack, day sack and overflow bag. Then there's finding a seat: repeat process. Coming from Munnar on the public bus meant speeding through winding cliff side roads at a pace that means just staying on your seat (if you were strong enough to get one) is a workout. You literally have to hold on for dear life. Then, when the mid morning heat kicks in, it gets a little worse. You'd think that the Indian's would be used to this type of transport but for some reason they can't handle it. I always wondered why the road sides are covered curry. Now I know. It's not curry, it's chunder. There are Indians all through the bus with their heads out of windows chucking up last nights masala. It's weird. For whatever reason, neither myself or Laura threw up our dinner, it made a nice change.
Getting in the mix with the Gerodie pill heads local tribe.
Taking the local bus was an experience I will never forget. It was worth doing to get to the wildlife sanctuary where we spent my birthday. The place was total paradise. It's not every year you get chance to spend your birthday somewhere so cool. We took bamboo rafts down the river and spent some time swimming, went on a bird watching trek (which is much more fun than it sounds), and had the pleasure of eating with a local tribe in the jungle. I'm not sure how it was arranged but it seemed that offering a bottle of rum and some food was enough for them to agree. When we arrived on their rock, they were already hammered or high on whatever it is they smoke, eat or drink. Before eating they wanted to show off their traditional dancing and singing. It was good to watch but I couldn't help comparing it to the singing and dancing outside of a takeaway on the Bigg Market at 3am on a Saturday morning. They just seemed to shuffle around to the sound of their own out of time clapping and mumbled singing. Just like pill heads in The Toon. When they had finished it was our turn to reciprocate. Shit. What do we do? This tribe's opinion of the English nation was resting solely in our hands. Panic. Panic. Panic. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of a single song. What would personify the English nation? How could we let them know what we are all about in just a couple of melodic lines? Then it came, it was obvious. Cumbawumba: Tubthumping. We belted it out like no ones business and nailed it. For whatever reason they seemed to like it or were at least polite enough to pretend. Job done. Luckily I had brought along my Uke so I was later able to rebuild what was left of our nations broken pride by singing a few more reasonable tunes. Seeing the tribe and spending time with them was a fantastic experience. They are a million miles away from what we class as a "normal" life. Happy, stressless and content with their lot. They didn't need anything. They take from the jungle and live happily in natures back garden, at peace. I guess having this experience and newly freed mind makes us "Uber Travellers". Shit.
Dinner for ten for two.
The home stay that we stayed at in the nature reserve was amazing. The family looking after us made us feel as though we were right at home. Vinod, the owner, organised our activities and his wife was responsible for making the best food we've come across. It's a funny thing eating in an Indian's home. As we sat tucking into whatever delights had been prepared, she would stand on the other side of the table watching carefully as we spooned the food into our mouths. In the time it took for my fork to get from my mouth back to the plate, she would have spooned on another helping of curry. There are a few rules that are unspoken but that are learnt very quickly when you are eating an Indian's food in their house;
Eat or offend.
Don't stop for breath.
Don't get full.
Don't leave the table until the food (which is enough to feed 10) is all gone.
Expect to repeat the process in two hours time.
Needless to say a few pounds were gained over those days but there is nothing wrong with a bit of birthday indulgence.
Lessons learned this week;
Public transport in India is not for the faint hearted.
1000 rupee notes are worthless.
Chumbawumba is never the right answer. In any situation.
I have memories of being a fresh faced 19 year old lad setting off on an adventure to Thailand and feeling nothing but excitement. When I arrived, everything amused and interested me, I wanted to throw myself straight into it all without asking any questions. Tuk-tuk sir? Yes. You want to see my shop? Yes. You want to go somewhere you have never heard of and pay me lots of money to take you there? Yes. You want to eat a snake? Yes. There were no bad people in the world and I was confident in the knowledge that I was invincible. I truly believed that nothing could harm me. If it did, I'd laugh it off. I took all parts of that trip, the good, the bad and the ugly and made memories that will be with me forever. In fact, I don't think that a day goes by where I don't remember something or someone from that trip and laugh to myself.
Getting absolutely hammered at Carrom
This time around things are a little different. I feel as though I've lost my naivety, I don't want to dive in head first, it's safer to dip your toe isn't it? The invincibility that I had back then has faded and I feel more vulnerable. My mind works differently now, I know what I like, what kind of people I like to spend time with and I've got no patience when it comes to being in a situation that bores or annoys me. Rickshaw Sir? No. You want see my shop? No. You want to see temple? Fuck no, please, no more temples. If I never see another temple til the day I die I couldn't care less.
I can't put my finger on what it is that has changed inside of me and it scares me that I'm not so excitable any more. Is it a "getting older" thing? If it is I fear that I might turn into that grumpy old man that bursts footballs when they come over the fence. Maybe 50 years ago, that guy at the bottom of your street with a pile of deflated footballs was snorting cocaine off a Thai prostitutes tits and grabbing life (and possibly her) by the balls, taking opportunities without thinking long enough to contemplate the downside. I need to get that mind set back. I'm not into grabbing lady boys by the goolies, but I wish I was still stupid enough not to think of the drawbacks of decisions that I might make. Maybe it will come back with time, or maybe I'm just different now. The Indians (and in fact most of Asia) have a saying for this; "Same same, but different", that's the only way I can describe it. I feel the same, but I know I'm different.
The view from the top of Monkey Temple
Now that all the light hearted stuff is out of the way I can get down to telling you what's been going on since my last post. We spent most of our time on the beaches in Goa. We drank, we ate, we sunbathed and then drank a little more. I'm afriad that doesn't make for a very interesting read but thats about the top and bottom of it. What might tickle you though is a story of something that occured as a result of this booze filled diet. The Aussie lads who we had been travelling with for a few weeks were real big drinkers. Where your average Joe would cure a hangover by drinking some fruit juice, these lads were drinking fruit flavoured alcopops just to get them ready for beers at brunch. I've never seen anything like it. However, drinking loads of beer is not the same as handling your drink. One lad, Blair (a nice chap with a sound head on him) decided when pissed that it was a good idea to clothes line a cow from a moped travelling at 30kmh. Any guesses who might of won? Our guy Blair ended up with 27 stitches and a nasty infection in his arm. As it stands he's in hospital in the UK on a drip waiting for an operation. I suspect the drip bag is filled with watermelon flavored Bacardi Breezer so he'l be fine.
Too much time on the beach can turn your brain to mush. I think that's why I'm struggling to pen my thoughts here. We left the sandy shores of Goa and headed to Hampi. This place is like nothing I have ever seen. The entire landscape is made up of huge boulders. See the picture for an idea of it, it's difficult to describe. We hired a rickshaw for the day to take us on the Temple tour which was a mistake. I can't take anything away from these temples and ruin's, they are incredible but once you have seen a few you've pretty much seen them all. We knew before we got in the rickshaw that we were a bit bored of seeing temples. We called it a day early and chilled out in a few bars. For me this was more interesting as we met a load of really cool people. Intelligent people with things to say and opinions that I genuilnly cared about. And I have a feeling that most of them weren't just regurgitating things that they had read that day in the news or NME. You can't pay a rickshaw driver 500 rupees to help you meet interesting people, it has to happen by chance. That said, if you made that offer I'm sure they'd take on the challenge.
It was only after uploading this pic that I remembered I was only wearing my under-crackers. Enjoy ladies.
Today we found a lake which was a perfect spot for a bit of cliff (rock) diving (jumping). While I was suspended in the air between the rock I wish I'd never jumped off, and the water I was dreading entering, I had a thought; Travelling is about experiences, not just ticking boxes. There are a number of manuals but they don't know what I like to do or how I like to do it. Visiting a temple is nice, but it isn't an experience. Visiting a lake is nice, but its not an experience. Sitting for an hour playing Carrom with the locals who sell water at the temple gate is an experience.Visiting a lake and jumping off rocks with a group of strangers is an experience. That's why I'm here. Not just to tick boxes. I'll remember that from now on.
Lessons Learned this week;
Don't just tick boxes. Ticking boxes makes for a dull trip.
As you grow older, you grow wiser (mostly). It makes it difficult to make naive decisions.
You can't plan everything, that's part of the fun.
There is nothing like an air conditioned mall with multiplex cinema when you are missing home.
