Dino-Lizard Vs. Monster Spider 4

I'm nervous.  Last night I had a dream that Laura was having an affair with some douche bag who had a stupid hair cut.  It seems they were meeting up whenever I popped out to write my blog.  I'm not sure of the exact logistics of how the affair works, but I can only guess that he is following us everywhere we go and Laura is texting him using a secret phone that I don't know about to tell him to come over.  Sounds possible.  I'm going to be keeping my wits about me for the next couple of weeks just in case.  I'm on to you Laura.

In the last couple of weeks or so we have made our way out of Thailand and into Malaysia.  Although we had a great time in Thailand, we were more than ready to leave after six weeks.  We made one last pit stop in Koh Lanta to catch up with an old friend who we first met in China and then jumped the boarder to Penang.

Anything to get away from the Monkey gang.

Koh Lanta is a reasonably small, quiet island located in the South of Thailand.  While we were there we spent a bit of time chilling out by the pool and visited a cave and a national park.  The caving experience was incredible.  We've been on a few caving trips since leaving home but none that required us to navigate around spiders, bats, bamboo bridges over 10m drops to total darkness (and likely more spiders) and through tunnels too small to fit through with a bag on.  It was slightly nerve racking but entirely rewarding.  After going through the caves we set off to the national park on our mopeds.  There were six of us in total so we were essentially like the Hells Angels only slightly harder and more bad ass.  The trouble with being in a biker gang is that you attract attention from rival gangs.  En route to the national park we had a few encounters with small monkey gangs.  They were sat on the sides of the roads smoking cigars with biker helmets on just waiting for us to drive past so they could take a swipe at us.  Well, not quite but any that we did see ran for us and either tried to jump on us or scratch us.  I have to admit, I was a little scared.  Luckily we got to the national park unharmed.  On the way back things were slightly different. Where there had been the odd monkey kicking about on the road there were now full on clans of about 20 or 30 (no shit, there were loads of them) just sitting there picking nits out of each others fur and scratching their arse holes.  Now, I wouldn't want to get scratched by a monkey at the best of times but a monkey scratching me with it's shit covered fingers is a step too far.  Dirty tactics that.  We had to stop our bikes in the road to figure out what to do. We discussed our options and we were left with only one;  A "Brave Heart" style showdown.  We decided it was best to stick close to each other in order to look as big as possible but that lasted all of two seconds. When the monkey's saw that we were advancing they started for us and split us up.  Suddenly the 20-30 monkey's in in the road were running and screeching trying their best to get on the bikes to bite or scratch us. They were all over us and all we could do was drive.  I saw one go under the front wheel of Ashley's bike and other than that I can't remember much, it was a bit of a blur.  We got through the the battlefield unharmed but slightly shaken.  Not the relaxing ride we were hoping for.  I think I'll hang up my leathers for while.

After Koh Lanta we were off to Penang.  Penang is an Island off the West coast of Malaysia.  It's not like the islands we had been on previously in Thailand, it's more of a city.  We had a fantastic time there.  The city itself is beautiful,  it's steeped in history and has some amazing heritage sites.  For me though the best thing in Penang is the food.  Ho-ly Shit.  As there are so many different cultures in Malaysia (and in particular, Penang) it's easy to find all types of food.  There is a very large Chinese and Indian community so where ever you are there are always street venders working away over a frying pan or wok.  I must have put on about a stone in the 5 days we were there but I just couldn't stop eating.  The food is so cheap and so tasty it's easy to get fat.  On top of cheap street food you can get a Big Mac meal for just over a quid.  A QUID! If they were a quid at home we'd have a real problem on our hands.  People would get uber fat, uber quick.  Although eating pretty much dominated our time in Penang we did have a chance to dig a little deeper into the Malaysian culture.  Back when I was in the UK studying I met a lad from Penang who was on the same course as me.  He had moved over to the UK to get his degree.  A pretty bold thing to do.  I worked with him a few times during group projects and helped him out occasionally when he was struggling to get his work together.  It's not easy studying for a degree when it's in your own language never mind in a foreign language.  I never really gave him as much of my time as I should have though and even though he didn't have a big social circle I never made the effort to include him in my plans.  Looking back I can see that I should have made more effort for the lad.  Anyway, he moved back to Penang after graduating and I never really heard from him again.  I decided to send him a message on Facebook saying I was going to be in his 'hood' for a few days and asked if he wanted to go for a drink or something.

Our hosts in Penang.

He replied saying that he would show us around and take us to his home so that we could meet his family.  He ended up spending his whole weekend driving us around, taking us to posh restaurants and bars, giving us information about what we were seeing and wouldn't let us spend a penny.  I felt a streak of pure guilt.  He was so pleased to have us in his home town and would do anything to make sure we had a good time.  I could tell he was proud.  When the situation was reversed and he was in my home town I essentially did fuck all for him.  I feel shitty for that. On top of his weekend tour, he arranged with his family to have us over for a traditional Malaysian dinner. Being welcomed into a family home like we were is something we haven't experienced so far on this trip. We had great food, lots of beer, and great chat.  We learnt a lot about how a normal Malaysian family works, and guess what? They're just as dysfunctional, loving, annoying, kind and proud as my family and yours.  A family is a family it turns out, no matter where you are.  During our dinner our host was particularly attentive, spooning food onto our plates faster than we could eat it.  It reminded me of a similar situation we faced in India in a guest house.  I don't mind, to me the food is always good, I'll eat anything and be grateful for it.  Laura on the other hand sits and skwirms.

Our extended Malaysian family.

I love watching her in these situations.  She's a bit picky, she doesn't like her food to touch other food on her plate and she's scared of curries when she doesn't really know what's in them.  So when she has a lady spooning random curries and fried fish onto her plate her face is a sight.  She tries to be polite but inside she is terrified.  I can see her mind calculating how she can get the food off her plate and either on to mine or into the dog bowl without anyone seeing.  The answer is that she can't.  Asian women like to sit and watch you enjoy their food.  So it can only go one place, down the hatch.  She just about made it through dinner without hurling or insulting our host but dessert posed another problem, even for me.  Imagine a trifle.  Delicious right? Cream, custard, jelly and sponge.  What I'd give for a bit of my Mam's home made trifle.  Right, now swap out the jelly and sponge for a salty, malty goo.  Swap the custard for condensed sweet milk and swap the cream for boiled sweet potato.  I don't know what it's called but I was gagging trying to get it down.  I managed a few mouthfuls and had to give up.  Laura saw me struggle and decided not to try.  Not quite what we're used to but clearly Mrs Supraminiam had gone to a great deal of trouble so for that we are very grateful.

That yellow thing isn't a mushroom.  It's a table and chairs.

After out very homely experience in Penang we were bound for the Perhentian Islands.  It took a night bus and speed boat to get there which actually wasn't too bad but it left us feeling pretty tired and groggy.  We landed on the beach at about 8am and I went for the usual stroll looking for accommodation while Laura sat in a cafe and 'watched the bags' (i.e. sat on her arse drinking fruit juice while I sweated my bollocks off walking up and down the beach).  There were lots of hotels and what not but none of them had anyone on reception so I couldn't check in.  Annoying.  I walked around for two hours looking for a place before finding two options.  A massively overpriced room that was well out of our price range or a shitty timber structure covered by a tin A frame roof with a mattress on the floor (which was also over priced).  After arguing about which room to stay in we decided we try and give it a go in the nasty A frame hut.  We slept for a few hours and I woke up to the sight of a lizard chasing a fucking huge spider across the wall right above my head.  That's it.  I'm fed up with this day.  Why am I paying for this shitty room when I won't get any sleep or enjoy a single second that I spend here? I got up, woke Laura up and we checked into a nicer room that was way out of our price range and still pretty shitty.  At least we would be able to sleep without being wrapped in a web and dragged to the monster spider's lair.  On our first day in our new "posh" hotel we saw what we thought were three big lizards which were cool as fuck! I don't know what type they were, they were about 1ft long and really interesting to watch.  I was pretty excited that they were kicking about our room most mornings.  It turns out a 1ft long lizard isn't actually that big.  Who knew?  One day while we were eating lunch we saw what can only be described as a fucking dinosaur.  I've since learned that what we actually saw was a 5 ft long Monitor Lizard which could apparently eat a dog, which is about the same size as a toddler, which means it could eat a toddler, which is a human, which means we can describe it as a man eating lizard.  It wasn't doing much, it just kind of passed by without noticing us but I was pretty excited to see it.

No matter how hard we tried we couldn't get a good pose.

That wasn't our only brush with nature during our time there.  We went out on a snorkeling day trip which allowed us to get up close and personal with all sorts of fish, a turtle, a reef shark, a Finding Nemo (as it is scientifically referred to) and what I thought was a whale but turned out to be Laura swimming in the distance.  Too far?  I know it is but insulting your girlfriend for a cheap and easy laugh is too much fun.  Or is it cheap and easy girlfriend? OK, now I know I'm in the dog house.  It was nice knowing you all.

It's the best time ever to be British and the best time ever to be in England.  I didn't realise quite how much having the Olympics on home turf would make me miss home and make me want to be back there.  It's a real one off and probably the most important positive event that has happened in England in my lifetime so far (apart from TalentStar....obviously).  To watch the opening ceremony we had to stay up til 6am.  Not easy after traveling for 12 hours on the bus earlier in the day but as I said, it's a one off.  I thought the ceremony was absolutely incredible.  I don't know what the feeling back home is, but the Brits who we've spoken to here thought the same as us.  It made me very proud to be British.  Laura was in tears the whole time.  I think seeing all the images of England and all that it stands for made us both homesick and we both could probably do with a weekend back at home.  I'm hoping that the games run smoothly and that the event is regarded as one of the best.  I'm also hoping that my bet for a Chinese fella drowning at some point comes off.
Watching The Queen parachute from a helicopter got me thinking of the phrase 'when pigs fly'.  Not because I think she is a pig but because it's one of those things that you could never imagine seeing.  You wouldn't even dream it up.  I really really hope there is a fella somewhere who's wife has agreed to some kind of degrading, dirty sexual act on the basis of "if the queen parachutes from a helicopter with James bond on live television....."  That guy will be laughing his head off.  

Some bad news.  You may have noticed there are no photos.  Very observant of you.  Unfortunately something weird has happened to my card which means I can't get the photos off it and onto the PC to load to the blog.  Sorry! I can't handle the thought of losing two months worth of photos so I'm not even going to muck around with it.  If possible I'll update the post later, and, if I can't, I'll put in extra photos next time.

Some good news.  Last week we were granted our Australian working visa's so we're good to go.  It's just over a month until we fly to Perth where the whole game changes.  We have to find jobs, integrate in a westernised community, shower everyday and try and start a new life.  I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.  Still a few more destinations before that comes though so I'll be sure to keep you in the loop.

Lessons Learnt This Week;

1. Its better to be eaten alive by a Dino-Lizard than a Monster Spider.
2. Don't mess with monkeys in biker gang attire. 
3. The Queen is a bad ass.
4. It's OK to get homesick.
5. Make time for foreigners in our country.  You might need them to repay the favor one day.

Familiar Faces

Ahhhhhhhhhh.  That's a sigh of relief in case it doesn't come across as so.  Hello again.  I feel like it's been ages since I've had time to sit down, relax, take some 'me time' and write a post.  In fact, it has been ages, somewhere close to a month I think.  Not to worry though, we haven't stopped doing what we do and I haven't fallen out with my blog, I just literally have not had one minute spare.  Why? Because I've had the (dis)pleasure of having my little brother out for the last three weeks with our old flat mate.  Seeing old friends and family has been amazing.  But looking after a 17 year old younger brother is no walk in the park.  That said, no matter how much extra pressure looking after your family is, it doesn't compare to how good it is having them around you.  It's weird how much you miss having a familiar face around and it's a total pleasure not having to go through the oh so tiresome traveler introductory conversation that I may have mentioned in an earlier post;

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Fine, you?"

"Yeah good.  How has your trip been?'

"Good, and you?"

"Great.  Where have you been?"

"Generic place a, b, c, d and e."

"Sounds great."

"Yeah, where have you been?"

"Generic place a, b, c, d and e."

"Where are you headed next?"

"Generic place f, g, h and i."

"Cool, me too.  Where was your favorite place so far?"

" Koh Phangan."

"......................................"

Conversation ends. 

Making the most of the interactive art in Bangkok.

I'm so sick of having this exact conversation on a daily basis.  I'm thinking of just having the answers to the questions tattooed across my chest so that when someone starts I can just whip my top off, let them read it and carry on doing what ever it is I'm doing.  The only problem with that solution is that any ladies looking at me would get all flustered.  What was my point? Oh yeah, familiar faces and so on.  Naturally, being away from home for so long has it's down sides.  You miss your friends and family, you miss your home and your mam's cooking, you miss Gregg's pasties, you miss Yorkshire puddings, you miss good pints of ale, you miss the familiarity that you have with your home town and the people in it.  So, having Matt and Karl over for a few weeks was a treat.  They even brought me a selection of Gregg's pasties with them.  Total heroes.  Mind you, whichever one of them decided to bring corned beef needs slapping.  Corned beef?!  Everyone knows that's the worst, by a good mile.  Now, as great as it is having my brother visit us you need to understand that looking after a 17 year old in Thailand is no easy task.  Thailand (Bangkok in particular) is an assault on the senses.  As soon as you step out into the streets it's a whole new world, one that many adults could never dream of never mind a hormonal teenager.  Cheap booze, unlimited drugs, cheap and unlimited sex, crazy modes of transportation, lady boys and all other manner of mind blowing things.  Can you imagine being 17 and being faced with these things? I used to get worked up just looking at Katy Hill's cleavage on Blue Peter when I was a young lad.  Finding the balance between being a boring over protective father like figure who could easily ruin a holiday and an irresponsible big brother who sends his younger sibling home in a body bag is an art.  Some rules were made and enforced.  Some rules that were made were broken.  What can I do? I tried my best and I'm sure both Karl and Matt had the time of their lives, as did we, but I aged about 10 years in three weeks.  How my Mam and Dad mange to control him I have no idea.  We wanted to make the most of their time in Thailand so we aimed to tick off the big hitters.  

• Eating bugs - Tick
• Drinking buckets on Koh San Road - Tick
• Ping Pong Show - Kind of Tick
• Lady Boy Show - Double Tick
• Open water diving course - Tick
• Island hopping - Tick
• Magic mushroom shakes - Tick (unless this is my Mam reading.  In which case no tick)
• Getting the shits - Tick
• Going to 'The Beach' - Tick
• Seeing an actual shark at 'The Beach' - Huge tick
• Fire limbo dancing - Tick

Some of these are the standards, but that doesn't make them any less exciting.  Remember, it's not about being the biggest douche bag traveler with the most 'unique' experience.  It's about having a bloody good time, and a good time we had.  Naturally, nothing is straight forward as I'm sure you've all gathered by now from my previous posts.  Nothing has changed in that department.  Allow me to tell you a little bit about the ping pong show.

Once you go black and all that....

Not seeing a ping pong show in Thailand is like not bothering with the Taj Mahal in India, or skipping the Great Wall of China if you're in Beijing.  You wouldn't do it because when you got home and everyone asked you if you'd seen it you'd have to disappoint them.  You don't want to be the guy who went to Amsterdam and didn't eat the banana out of the old lady's vagina on stage at the sex show....or do you? I can never remember how much I admitted to Laura.  As you can imagine going to see a ping pong show is a pretty seedy thing to do.  You have to go to a seedy area to see it and it's usually full of seedy people.  We've heard a few horror stories about tourists getting hit with a huge bill at the end of the show and then beat up they can't pay the amount or being forced to pay it.  So, we were aware that it might get a little rowdy, but we figured we would keep our wits about us and we'd be fine, we were in a group of about seven people so we couldn't be easily intimidated.  We checked out a few places and turned them down on account of them feeling a little bit too dodgy.  After searching around for a reasonably safe looking place we realized that such a thing does not exist so we had to go with the ruff one.  We agreed drinks prices with the tout on the door (100 Baht per beer and a free show) and sat down.  Our drinks were brought over and to be safe we asked for the bill.  I figured paying up front would rid us of being hit with a big bill later in the night.  The bill hadn't come after a few minutes so I asked again.  I was ignored.  I asked again.  Ignored.  I suggested that we shouldn't start drinking our beers until we had paid just in case the staff did want to slam us.  Anyway the bill never came, only a sign written in English saying that we each owed 300 Baht.  No chance.  As we stood up to leave, a gang of butch Thai women came piling out of a little side door and started ruffing us up.  We were being pushed about and tugged at, the girls were having their hair pulled and for a second, my little brother even averted his eyes from what was going on on stage.  It was scary.  We just huddled together like penguins and shuffled out of the door unharmed (if slightly shaken) and without paying any money.  We couldn't really believe it.  I honestly think that ping pong shows don't exist and that it's just another elaborate Asian scam to get some money out of tourists.  During the time we were in there, there was no sign of ping pong balls anywhere.  There was one fat lady who had had a cesarean pulling a string of flowers out of her.......self.  Not pleasant.  So that was that, our ping pong show outing was a disaster in some ways, but saying as we all got away unharmed I guess we can laugh about it now.

Karl's snorkel was slowly filling up with vomit.

It doesn't take long for Bangkok to take it's toll on you.  Constant scamming and lying, taxi drivers taking you to 20 shops before they take you to where you want to go and more Indians than I can count offering shitty tailor made suits makes it a little hard to swallow.  So, we did what all good travelers do and left.  We jumped on a night bus and headed to Koh Tao.  Koh Tao is a beautiful island on the East coast of Thailand that boasts picturesque beaches and fantastic diving.  A tropical haven and a great place to unwind after spending a few nights in Bangkok.  Me, Laura, Matt and Karl all enrolled on an open water diving course which was excellent.  Koh Tao is really cheap place to dive so why not? The first couple of days went swimmingly (sorry) until Laura started having trouble with her ears.  She couldn't manage to equalize on the way down which could have resulted in perforated ear drums had she continued.  It was a real shame, we had been looking forward to diving together for months.  Our instructor who fancied the pants off her was even more upset though.  Shortly after that Matt fell ill and had to join a different group to catch up on the course which left me with my 17 year old brother, the worst dive partner anyone could wish for.  That boy throws up just looking at the sea.

Sunset on Koh Tao.

During our safety checks I would watch his face turn from tanned to white to green and I knew he didn't give a shite whether my equipment was safe or not, all he wanted to do was chunder.  That didn't fill me with confidence as I was going underwater.  Once we made it underwater Karl also had trouble equalizing but rather then heading back up to the surface he would push through the pain until his nose exploded in his mask and it filled up with blood.  Nice one, now sharks for miles around are on their way over here.  Given all the chunder, blood and lack of attention to life saving details, I thought we'd never get through the course, but, with a little bit of effort we managed and we're now Open Water Divers.  It sounds cool because it is fucking cool. 

One of these is a man.

That wasn't the only exciting thing we did on Koh Tao though.  I say we.....I mean Karl.  I don't know how he does it but he manages to get himself into some crazy situations.  Being dressed in a wig with his shorts pulled up his arse while dancing with a bunch of lady boys on stage in front of a hundred people being one of them.  There is a video somewhere, hopefully I can get my hands on it and I'll post it.  Lady boy's are something else.  There are different levels in the lady boy hierarchy which starts at the bottom with basic cross dressers, passes through to chicks with dicks and ends with men who have boobies and other lady bits.  At the lady boy show one question kept going through my head, and I'm sure it was the same for the other lads in there......Am I gay now?  I promise you that some of these lady boys are unreal.  It's scary.  I'm looking at you and I know you are a man.  The fact that you are a man is no secret.  You're a fit man though, with breasts and long legs and a nice bum.  You're wearing hot pants and dancing all sexy like on stage. Am I gay now?  I figured I'm probably not gay and just a sucker for sexy dancing.  But still, it makes you wonder.

Not "A" Beach.

Another one of the big hitters for travelers in Thailand is to visit "The Beach".  Notice it's not "a" beach but "The Beach", as in the one off the film.  I've got to say it was pretty beautiful, but, like all good tourist attractions in was full of tourists.  And guess which kind made up 70% of us? Yeah, Chinese.  I didn't see any shitty photos being taken but I did notice something else.  They can't swim.  To get to "The Beach" we had to swim about 10m in shallow water and climb through a tiny cave.  Easy.  Not for the Chinese.  They were splashing and drowning all over the shop.  The specialist Chinese orientated tours include little Thai fellas who patrol the 10m swimming section on kayaks ripping struggling Chinese folks out of the water.  It was hilarious.  They were wearing arm bands and life jackets and still couldn't make it to the cave.  My advice is this; if you're looking for a safe bet for the Olympics, bet on a Chinese fella drowning during either the diving or swimming events and I swear it will come off.

Enjoying a little home comfort in Bangkok.

It seems like only two minutes ago the boys arrived here and now they're gone.  It's left both me and Laura feeling pretty homesick.  Since we left home back in January we always knew that Karl and Matt had plans to make it out to see us, and it was comforting.  Now though, none of our friends have plans and we don't know when we'll see them.  On top of that we're getting closer to Australia which feels like a huge move.  We're planning on being there a while and to be honest it feels a bit weird.  No doubt we'll get over it soon.  I tend to look at the weather for Newcastle when I'm feeling down and it usually does the trick.  We keep telling ourselves that nothing will really change at home and that comforts us a little but we know deep down things are changing.  Our friends are graduating and getting jobs, people are moving around, getting engaged and having babies.  If it's another two years before we get back anything could happen.  So a quick word; When we message you and ask how things are going and what you've been up to we want to know the answers.  I have a feeling people don't want to tell us that they had a good night out at the local or went to the cinema because it sounds less exciting than riding elephants or drooling over lady boys.  But it's not.  It's nice for us to hear about things at home and it's nice for us to hear about the things we miss.  So next time, don't come at me with that "Nowt's really happening" chat.  Tell me what you had for dinner or something!

Thailand's waters are swimming with sharks.

Since the boy's left we've managed to get our sleeping pattern back on track (i.e. getting up before noon) and we've done some pretty cool things.  We spent a few days on Riley Beach which an incredible destination for climbing, cliff jumping and generally exploring, either by foot or kayak.  On our first day we opted for Kayak.  We had a bit of sunshine so set off into the sea to explore the limestone cliffs and caves that surround the beaches.  It was awesome.  It may have been more awesome if Laura had understood what her paddle was for, but she never quite came to terms with it so as well as taking in the views I got a pretty good work out.  We managed to get around a few beaches to an area that seemed good for a little bit of cliff jumping.  Nothing too high, but high enough for you to realize that you're in the air for quite some time and belt out a good scream.  Not long after we got back to the kayaks a storm set in.  We tried our very best to paddle through it but it was too much, the wind and rain was battering us and we were going round in circles.  We decided to head for the shore and sit underneath an opening in the cliffs.  It was romantic to be out in such a storm on a beautiful beach for a good ten minutes but then we were just cold and wet.  The storm seemed as though it was in for a while so we had to carry the kayak's back to the other beach which was about 1.5km away.  It's not easy carrying kayaks but I was due some exercise and I'm pretty sure all the ladies on the beach thought I was uber muscular and stuff so it was all good.

Chinese swimmer patrol.

After our Kayak fiasco we decided to explore the beaches and surrounding mountains on foot.  Apparently there was a lagoon somewhere close by so we headed off to find it.  We were told by two travel agents that it was an easy twenty minute walk that could be done in flip-flops. Awesome, lets just do it in the morning before breakfast then.  If only it was an easy 20 minute walk that you can do in flip-flops.  It wasn't a walk, it was a climb.  It wasn't easy, it's was fucking hard.  You can't do it in flip-flops, you need a cable car.  But, once you get there and you're in flip-flops it's easier just to do it then to go back and change into shoes......apart from the part where it definitely isn't easier just to do it in flip flops.  It took us a good hour to make it to the point of the trail where you literally have to descend vertical drops with no harness or safety features of any sort other than some ill maintained rope that someone chucked around a boulder in the 80's.  To reach the lagoon you have to descend three vertical drops.

Some things are not safe.  This is one of them.

Not easy in flip-flops and in pouring rain.  But I'm a lad and lads don't turn back when they're so close to the end, no matter what....at least not until the third descent. After struggling with two shit scary descents and leaving poor Laura behind (she's not good with heights) I decided to call it a day for the fear that I could genuinely hurt myself or worse.  It wasn't worth it.  So, with my tail between my legs I started to climb back up to Laura and head back to the hotel all the while trying to convince myself that I had made the right decision.  No matter what I told myself though I knew I was a pussy.  So, I woke up early the next morning, put on a pair of shoes and went for it again with Pedro (A friend who we are travelling with.  No he isn't Spanish.  No he doesn't have a mustache or a sombrero. Stop being racist.) and we nailed it.  We got to the bottom and to the lagoon.  Surely it was worth it? Surely it was worth risking my life to see this amazing spectacle hidden in the middle of a mountain?  Well, not really.  It was nice, but it wasn't worth my life.  Maybe I had made the right decision first time.  At least I'm not a pussy anymore though.  Boom.

Lessons Learnt Lately;

1. I wish I was still 17.
2. Butch Thai women are bloody scary.
3. There is no such thing as a ping pong show.
4. If you're at the bottom of a mountain wearing flip-flops, it's easier to go back and change into shoes.
5. When dancing under a flaming limbo bar, the biggest cause of injury is a chicken scratch on your foot.
6. If someone tells you that Koh Phangan is there favorite place.  Walk away.
7. Gregg's pasties are by far the best food in the world.
8. Even when your family does your napper in, appreciate that they're there to do your napper in.
9. That shit cray.