After last weeks slightly melancholy look at how I've become a miserable old man, this week has been just what I needed to pull myself together. It's been a busy few days. We left Hampi, headed for Munnar where some of Southern India's biggest tea plantations are found, spent a couple of days in a nature reserve and we're now in Fort Cochi. Oh, and I turned 24.
Not happy with the money situation.
Let me start with the first little annoyance of the week. In Munnar we went to the ATM to get out another wad of monopoly money but this time instead of getting a bunch of 100 or 500 rupee notes, we were presented with eight 1000 rupee notes. This was a major inconvenience. Let me try to put it into perspective. Breakfast at a food stall will cost 10 rupees. A rickshaw might be 50. Dinner in a cafe is maybe 200. If you present a chai walla who wants 10 rupees with a 1000 note he will look at you like you've just pissed on his kids and set fire to his house. They are impossible to spend. The ATM may as well of given us soiled toilet paper. It's more difficult to spend a 1000 rupee note in India then it is to spend a Scottish 5 pound note in England. Luckily we managed to pay for one of our hotel rooms with one of the notes but it wasn't easy. You know in England when someone at the bar hands over a 50 quid note and there are a multitude of scientific checks that have to be carried out to confirm the authenticity of the note because only drug dealers and bank robbers have them? It was like that.
Laura enjoying the chicken bus.
This last week we've moved away from private air conditioned buses and tried our luck on the chicken buses with the locals. I used to think getting down the West Road on the X82 was a nightmare, it isn't. Although there are more Indians on that bus. These buses are a little uncomfortable and getting on is an experience in itself. You have to push, pull, elbow and pretty much fight your way on. Not easy to do with a rucksack, day sack and overflow bag. Then there's finding a seat: repeat process. Coming from Munnar on the public bus meant speeding through winding cliff side roads at a pace that means just staying on your seat (if you were strong enough to get one) is a workout. You literally have to hold on for dear life. Then, when the mid morning heat kicks in, it gets a little worse. You'd think that the Indian's would be used to this type of transport but for some reason they can't handle it. I always wondered why the road sides are covered curry. Now I know. It's not curry, it's chunder. There are Indians all through the bus with their heads out of windows chucking up last nights masala. It's weird. For whatever reason, neither myself or Laura threw up our dinner, it made a nice change.
Getting in the mix with the Gerodie pill heads local tribe.
Taking the local bus was an experience I will never forget. It was worth doing to get to the wildlife sanctuary where we spent my birthday. The place was total paradise. It's not every year you get chance to spend your birthday somewhere so cool. We took bamboo rafts down the river and spent some time swimming, went on a bird watching trek (which is much more fun than it sounds), and had the pleasure of eating with a local tribe in the jungle. I'm not sure how it was arranged but it seemed that offering a bottle of rum and some food was enough for them to agree. When we arrived on their rock, they were already hammered or high on whatever it is they smoke, eat or drink. Before eating they wanted to show off their traditional dancing and singing. It was good to watch but I couldn't help comparing it to the singing and dancing outside of a takeaway on the Bigg Market at 3am on a Saturday morning. They just seemed to shuffle around to the sound of their own out of time clapping and mumbled singing. Just like pill heads in The Toon. When they had finished it was our turn to reciprocate. Shit. What do we do? This tribe's opinion of the English nation was resting solely in our hands. Panic. Panic. Panic. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of a single song. What would personify the English nation? How could we let them know what we are all about in just a couple of melodic lines? Then it came, it was obvious. Cumbawumba: Tubthumping. We belted it out like no ones business and nailed it. For whatever reason they seemed to like it or were at least polite enough to pretend. Job done. Luckily I had brought along my Uke so I was later able to rebuild what was left of our nations broken pride by singing a few more reasonable tunes. Seeing the tribe and spending time with them was a fantastic experience. They are a million miles away from what we class as a "normal" life. Happy, stressless and content with their lot. They didn't need anything. They take from the jungle and live happily in natures back garden, at peace. I guess having this experience and newly freed mind makes us "Uber Travellers". Shit.
Dinner for ten for two.
The home stay that we stayed at in the nature reserve was amazing. The family looking after us made us feel as though we were right at home. Vinod, the owner, organised our activities and his wife was responsible for making the best food we've come across. It's a funny thing eating in an Indian's home. As we sat tucking into whatever delights had been prepared, she would stand on the other side of the table watching carefully as we spooned the food into our mouths. In the time it took for my fork to get from my mouth back to the plate, she would have spooned on another helping of curry. There are a few rules that are unspoken but that are learnt very quickly when you are eating an Indian's food in their house;
Eat or offend.
Don't stop for breath.
Don't get full.
Don't leave the table until the food (which is enough to feed 10) is all gone.
Expect to repeat the process in two hours time.
Needless to say a few pounds were gained over those days but there is nothing wrong with a bit of birthday indulgence.
Lessons learned this week;
Public transport in India is not for the faint hearted.
1000 rupee notes are worthless.
Chumbawumba is never the right answer. In any situation.
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